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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555876">Toothsome Obfuscations</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin'>FunkMcLovin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, vampire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,561</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22555876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunkMcLovin/pseuds/FunkMcLovin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanaya and Rose are married quite happily. But they both have just one dirty little secret...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Toothsome Obfuscations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> "I'll be out in a moment, dear," came the melodious voice of Rose Lalonde from the bathroom she shared with Kanaya. She locked the door furtively, taking a deep breath.<br/> Rose Lalonde had a secret. A deadly, dirty secret, a secret she kept not out of malice nor out of ill intent, but because she had to. She opened the medicine cabinet, withdrawing her toothbrush and a tube of Crest. Rose peered into her mirror, glancing one last time at the door before facing the mirror in full, allowing her retractile fangs to burst forth, her canines exposed for the brushing.</p><p><br/> Outside the door, in their bedroom, Kanaya was none the wiser, reading a copy of one of her more sapphic love stories, pausing to make marks in highlighter. </p><p><br/> "Are you quite alright in there, kitten?" Kanaya called. Rose, in the bathroom, winced.</p><p><br/> "Of course, Kanaya," Rose said tensely. "Just fine!"</p><p><br/> If Kanaya knew what a monster Rose was. If only she knew what Rose did after Kanaya went to sleep. Surely no one would want to be the wife of a creature of the night, a vampire, would they? Rose's fangs retracted, her job done. She was glad the superstition about vampires and mirrors wasn't true as she looked herself over in the mirror. Though, these days, she supposed she could brush her teeth in her phone's camera even if she was rendered invisible to mirrors.</p><p><br/> Rose unlocked and opened the master bathroom door, sliding into bed next to her wife.</p><p><br/> "You're rather chilly tonight," Kanaya remarked, eyes still focused on her annotated copy of "The Siren's Call."</p><p><br/> "I'm a very normal temperature, thank you very much," Rose replied, rather defensively, squirming under the sheets. Kanaya made a small chuckle through her nose and Rose breathed a sigh of relief. Her gorgeous wife was none the wiser, and her life, bought with the borrowed time of a lie, continued for a night more.</p><p><br/>---</p><p><br/> "I have to get to work early, my love," Kanaya said, kissing Rose's sandy hair at breakfast the next morning. Rose looked up at Kanaya, absently nodding, shoving a piece of egg-toast into her mouth with a tired motion. Kanaya bustled out the door and into the sunrise.</p><p><br/> Kanaya Maryam had a secret. A deadly, dirty secret, a secret she kept not out of malice nor out of ill intent, but because she had to. She opened her car door, slipping into the cool leather seat. Kanaya peered into the rear-view mirror, glancing one last time at the front door before beginning her drive.</p><p><br/> Except, Missus Maryam-Lalonde wasn't going to work. Her job didn't begin for another hour, after all. Her first stop was for breakfast. She looked around furtively before pulling into the Greater Skaia City blood bank.</p><p><br/> "The usual, Kanaya?" Asked the attendant with a sly grin. With the sigh of someone who didn't cotton to jokes, Kanaya nodded, drumming her hands on the desk. "I swear," said the attendant, a raven-haired girl whose name always slipped Kanaya's mind. "You bloodsuckers are our best customers."</p><p><br/> "Sh!" Kanaya's eyes widened, her eyebrows knitting into a worried, irritated frown, looking this way and that for eavesdroppers. "Are you mad?" She demanded in a hushed, strained voice. "Don't publicize my condition!"</p><p><br/> "Oh, relax. It's not like you're anemic, you don't have a disease! Just enjoy your breakfast like the rest of us." The raven-haired attendant scoffed, tossing two bags of blood across the counter like a barista would pass a bagel. Kanaya grabbed them hurriedly, sighing happily when she read "AB-." She might not have had a disease, but it felt like she did.</p><p><br/> Back in the car, Kanaya slit the bag open, emptying the contents into her thermos, drinking from it greedily. She preferred it warm, but cold would have to do, today. Either temperature, it sated her thirst. She sighed, looking down at the thermos. Her gorgeous wife was none the wiser, and her life, bought by borrowed time, continued for one day more.</p><p><br/>---</p><p><br/> Rose worked from home, something she relished. It allowed her to work at her desk in nothing except a fluffy robe, something which brought her no shortage of smugness. Kanaya had to wear her monkey suit all day and Rose got to lavish about at home. Sometimes she sent pictures lording her comfort over Kanaya, sometimes she would brag about petting the cat. All minor harrassments that Kanaya endured with a loving smile.</p><p><br/> Today, Rose decided to make a cup of tea and pose, grinning, next to it. She sent it along as normal, setting her phone aside to write. In a while, her phone buzzed. She picked it up idly, but the message Kanaya had sent in return gave her pause. Had she blood, it would have run cold.</p><p><br/> GA: Goodness Do Not Drink The Last Sachet My Love!</p><p><br/> GA: What Is On Your Teeth?</p><p><br/> Rose hurriedly opened her phone, eyes wide, heart (metaphorically) thudding. Oh, god. No.</p><p><br/> "Fuck. Shit." Rose swore, running a hand through her hair. Her fangs were showing in the photo! How could she have been so careless?</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p><br/> Kanaya didn't mind working in a cubicle. It was peaceful and routine, two things she appreciated. She could never work from home like Rose, her motivation evaporated as soon as she was in anything less restraining than work pants.</p><p><br/> During her break, she leaned on the wall of the break nook, smiling at a new message from Rose.</p><p><br/> TT: Ah, chamomile and turmeric. A match never better.</p><p><br/> Kanaya was quick to respond, even sending a photo in kind, of her mouth, licking her lips, suggesting that perhaps she, too would like some mentioned tea! Kanaya pocketed her phone when her co-worker stopped for a bagel and a chat.</p><p><br/> Minutes later, back at her desk, Kanaya snuck another peek at her phone.</p><p><br/> TT: My teeth are normal. They look exaggerated like that because of perspective.</p><p><br/> TT: What's that stain on your lips?</p><p><br/> Kanaya frowned. Stain...? She scrolled up, looking at her own photograph, and to her horror, her lips, simulating thirst, were stained with blood from her very thermos! She gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth, wiping furiously. How long had that been there?? God, she was so careless!</p><p><br/>---</p><p><br/> That evening, at 6 pm sharp, Kanaya arrived home as usual, noticably more stiff than usual. Rose, too, waiting in the kitchen, was stiff.</p><p><br/> "Ah. Hello." Said Rose, forcing a smile.</p><p><br/> "Good evening, Rose." Replied Kanaya, grimacing in kind. Rose hastily turned towards the boiling pot of pasta, Kanaya back to the coat rack, hanging up her belongings.<br/> Kanaya peeked at Rose, biting her lip. Oh, god. That fixed gaze. That nervous manner... Rose had figured her out!</p><p><br/> In the kitchen, Rose glanced at her wife over the pasta steam, eyebrows tight-knit. Oh dear, that chilly disposition... Surely Kanaya suspected.</p><p><br/> Kanaya stepped into the kitchen, clearing her throat. Rose jumped, so lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Kanaya approach. They stared at each other for a few long, long moments before Rose broke the silence.</p><p><br/> "Rigatoni," she said, motioning towards the pot with a spatula. Kanaya nodded.</p><p><br/> "Rigatoni," Kanaya agreed. They both pursed their lips in silent contemplation.</p><p><br/> The air in the kitchen was thick, not because of all the steam. This was it. Their thoughts were in unison. They had found the other out. She'll never love me if she finds out what I am. Kanaya and Rose both spoke at the same time, over the other.</p><p><br/> "Rose, I have to-"</p><p><br/> "Kanaya, you must-"</p><p><br/> They stopped, mouths mutually agape.</p><p><br/> "You first," Rose said quietly.</p><p><br/> "No, you, I insist," Kanaya breathed meekly. Rose took the initiative, turning the stove off. Dinner would have to wait.</p><p><br/> "I know," Rose said carefully. "This secret, hanging over our heads." Two women faced each other in a shared kitchen, their homey, lovely kitchen, dishes in the sink, a fridge humming away, the trappings of domesticity. All of it, to these two, were on the line.</p><p><br/> "The secret," Kanaya agreed. "I knew it would come to this." Two women, so ready for heartbreak, their resolve hardened in tandem. Their moment was now, they felt, seperately together, they must come clean. The lie would have to end, right here, for better or worse.</p><p><br/> Both women, diverse as they were, came together, their thoughts as one. They gazed into their partner's eye and felt something new, after a long, twisted, strained stretch of lies and secrecy. They both felt a sudden trust, and they spoke together.</p><p><br/> "I am a vampire."</p><p><br/> The phrase was so in sync, the duo looked at each other for a long moment, taking seconds to register what had happened.</p><p><br/> "Come again?" Kanaya said, tilting her head sideways. Rose blinked, eyebrows rising.</p><p><br/> "Oh, I said... I'm a vampire."</p><p><br/> They stared at each other, a little dumbfounded.</p><p><br/> "I also said that," Kanaya said. Her voice felt awkward in her own mouth.</p><p><br/> "Oh."</p><p><br/> "Yeah."</p><p><br/> Another long, silent minute stretched into eternity.</p><p><br/> "So, the stain...?" Rose asked, trailing off.</p><p><br/> "Blood," replied Kanaya, nodding. "And the teeth?"</p><p><br/> "Fangs."</p><p><br/> Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. The clock above the stove watched them carefully.</p><p><br/> "Well," Rose said, setting down the spatula. She sighed, putting a hand on her hip. Kanaya felt herself relax, too. Rose cracked a grin over her pearly white fangs. "I guess we don't need the rigatoni."</p><p> </p><p>---END</p>
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